Ok. I am done now. I returned the books and now I am free to go on my way. I am happy; my new path still cuts across the park. I love this park. In it, I always found something to calm my mind down. My feet entered towards the first alley. I know this is a place I will miss immensely; thus, I decide to sit on a bench for a while. I have to admit… I have emotions. I do not know where I am going, I have no idea why I considered going in this direction first, but somehow I feel that the desert will solve my problem.
I relax my body for a while. I let my lungs fill themselves with the fresh air. It is a beautiful, sunny, morning in June. On both sides of the alley, colorful roses in the rosebushes have already blossomed. The fresh air is filled with their fragrance. I remember now what mom taught us when we were children. It was a powerful clearing meditation using roses. I don’t know if after finding what I am chasing, I will ever see another rose again. Therefore, I decided, maybe for the last time, to use a rose. Inside my heart chakra I feel congested. It probably remained there after what had happened yesterday with those two evil eyed men. I do not want this energy coming with me in my travel so the rose is exactly what I need right now. I know I can do this meditation using only my imagination, but for some reasons I want to touch a rose; and so, I take a yellow one from the rosebush. I touch my nose with its soft petals and let the fragrance fill my entire body. This smell… I love the smell of yellow roses. From all the roses, I always favored the yellow ones.
The fragrance of a yellow rose on a sunny morning in June… what else should I desire more in my last moments from the place I have lived until now?
While I let the rose rest lying on the bench, I place an imaginary blooming rose on my heart chakra. I close my eyes. I move my feet away from the concrete sidewalk. I want to feel the planet’s energy better and placing my feet directly on the ground seems to always help me. After I take several deep breaths, I imagine roots growing from my feet and burying themselves down into the ground, down to the core of the planet. I listen to my heart and when it tells me that my grounding process is complete, I move my attention to my auric field. I check to see if it is all compact and where it’s necessary, I pull its borders with my mind until I see myself enveloped four to five feet in all directions.
Again I move my sight and this time I pay attention to the yellow rose. With my human eyes closed but my internal eyes opened, I watch it in all its details. The soft petals reflect the sunshine and warm my heart. I take the rose and place it inside my mind. The rose seems to feel good there for a while. My lungs are breathing, inhaling and exhaling the rose fragrance. Suddenly the rose starts to shake. My mind shakes also.
(Portion not relevant for Weave My Tale)
I look around me. Inside my lungs, I still sense the smell of the rose. The delicate warm wind’s breeze brings to my nostrils the fragrance of all the flowers from my favorite park. Yes… I know… I will miss this also. However, I have to go. I cannot step back now. It is something like a faraway call inside my heart that is whispering more and more… “Come, Macy. Come… let’s unite again.”
Through the blowing breeze, the sun is still arrowing its rays and touching my skin. A comfortable sensation folds my whole body. My bare feet are still touching the ground. I feel the green grass crossing its way between my toes. My legs feel a wet tickle, probably from the water that showered the grass earlier in the day.
I am still grounded therefore I am closing my eyes again. Taking once more several deep breaths, I call back the roots that earlier I sent out to the core of the planet. Like good little children, all my roots withdraw themselves, crossing all the layers found inside the planet. When they withdraw to the feet level, they disappeared as if they never existed. I am smiling now. I know my roots are there, hidden inside my feet and I can send them anytime, anywhere.
A happy cricket is singing somewhere close to the bench I’m resting on. I am wondering… will I ever hear a cricket anymore, there where I am now going? I have to keep inside my being all the treasures I have found on this planet. I have to keep them well secured, so I can take them out when I will miss the home where I lived until now. Will I ever be able to come back? Oh… I suddenly feel panicked thinking that I will never come back. I wish, I wish with all my heart, someday to be able to come back. I love this planet. I love the humans I met here. I love the grass, the ground, the animals and birds. I love the flowers and the trees. I love the winds, the sunrays, the snow, the rains. Oh… I will miss all these so much.
My hand is suddenly rising to the face level and my fingers are drying the tears that suddenly invaded my eyes. “Come, Macy… come here. Let us unite again” again I hear that voice inside my head. “Be brave Macy. Be brave. There is no time for sentimentalism. You have a plan. And you must do it.” My internal trembling voice is saying trying to convince myself to only look forward.
A ladybug landed on my bare feet. Another tear came into my blue eyes; another one and then another one. No… these are not my tears… the sky suddenly shook over the earth several rain drops. It’s as if all of nature wants to make me decide to remain here. However, no, I will do as I planned. I have to go now. This night I have to be in the desert already. I feel it is there, the place where I will meet my family.
I put my sandals on my feet. My body stands up now near the bench. My eyes are scrutinizing the view. Far away on another bench under a tree, I see the man from yesterday. He still looks like a beggar to me, but now I know it was only my perception. He seems to be very mysterious but I do not have time to check into his background. I have to go.
My legs start to move. I say good-bye in my mind to these places. I say good-bye to all my friends, teachers… to mom and dad… and in this moment, I can even say good-bye to my brother who came one day on this planet to steal a part of my parent’s love.
I slowly move my body towards the park’s exit. A sudden noise enter my ears. The sound seems to be made by someone who’s running. Yes, I am sure about this. Someone is running and is coming closer and closer to me. I quickly turn my head around to see who it is.
I know that runner. I know him very well. He is my brother. Why is he running like this? And why does his face looks like this? I am not sure if he is angry or there’s something else. Anyway, his face never looked this way before.
His body almost runs me down when he arrives where I am standing. It seems as though he does not see me. His mind is filled with something I do not know, but for sure what’s inside his mind somehow brings me chills.
My reaction is fast. I raise my hand and while positioning my body in front of him my palm grabs his arm making him slow his legs down. He now seems to realize who is in front of him.
“Macy, Macy… what will we do now?” he almost yells at me. A tear is falling down his face.
“What happened? Why are you running like this?” my worried voice whispered. I already knew something was wrong. I never saw my brother’s eyes looking like this.
“Father… father” he started to cry and run again at the same time.
Dad? What about dad? My plans can wait for now. My legs start to run even faster than my brother was able to. I speed up leaving him somewhere behind me.
Two streets only; I have to run right there and turn left at the next corner where I will see our home. My mind and legs don’t seem to react to my wondering anymore. They are working now as if separate entities have decided to bring my body home.
I see the corner of the street… only a few more feet now… turning to the left, I stop. I suddenly stop; two medical vehicles are parked in front of my house. People are running up and down; white coats entering in the house. Few neighbors are watching in silence.
My legs start running again. “Dad! Dad… wait for me, please!”